If you have been following my journals, you might recognize the name Disquieting: indeed, I have already hinted at his influence on my music journey here and there. Now, however, it's time to dig a bit deeper into Avery Bradshaw's art. He was kind enough to have a long and interesting discussion on his projects, artistic influences and music journey. Our conversations on these and more topics are at the end of the journal.
Empty Throne Amongst The Stars was one of the first Dungeon Synth albums I found back in 2022, when I decided to go back to making music. In my (re)discovery and first conscious explorations of Dungeon Synth, this album was one among the few that immediately spoke to me on so many levels.
First, the music is mind-blowing: a unique blend of synths and electric guitar, bass, and drums (instruments that Avery plays and records live - more on his workflow later). And the songs are amazing on all levels: composition, technique, interesting influences ranging from prog rock to ambient, all elements that contribute to the terrific mood of the album. Indeed, everything about the music of Empty Throne conveys perfectly the sorrow of wandering this empty place in the cosmos, in search for meaning and, maybe, solace.
Second, the art (also by Avery, who is also a top-notch visual artist) is so unique and fits the music perfectly. It mixes the black and white aesthetics so common in Dungeon Synth with Avery's signature style. It's lovely but also heart-wrenching to see how the decrepit fortress trope was turned upside down to show the interior of an immaculate palace... that still lies in a ruined state way deeper than that of all the usual DS cover art landscapes (including the one on Wanderings and vistas, my debut).
The emptiness of the titular throne room does justice to Disquieting's project name, and it has conquered a place in my heart for more than two years. I still remember how this album invited me to get inside the space palace and wander around its abandoned rooms, up to the throne itself, and weep with Avery its emptiness.
This leads me to the third, and most important, aspect of Empty Throne Amongst The Stars that had a lasting influence on me. The release is dedicated to Avery's mother, who passed away in 2021. Putting into music such grief requires an openness, a vulnerability, that is of the utmost beauty and that should not be taken for granted. Since I first listened to this album, I gained infinite respect for Avery and for his art, and also got a glimpse of what Dungeon Synth could be beyond fantasy escapism and the nostalgia for a past that never was. I have already acknowledged this, but it is worthy to say it again: without his music, I'm not sure if I would have had the courage to share with the DS community some of the themes that are dear to my heart, or even imagine that such themes could have a place in Dungeon Synth in the first place. (Shoutout also to Evergreen and everyone who, directly or indirectly, encouraged me on this journey).
The cosmic imagery seems one of the fil rouges of Disquieting's music: to my eyes, Noctambulant, Disquieting's latest offering, continues the story that began with Empty Throne. In my interpretation of the cover art and song titles, this time we are finally able to see ourselves in the cover art, wandering the cosmos, still not at peace, still searching.
And what a search it is! Right from the title track we're back amongst the stars, but with a new drive and new strength. This time around, the stars themselves are not empty, and the landscape is not constrained anymore to the desolate palace, but opens up to diverse vistas. How could I not love such a concept? Musically, Noctambulant offers a splendid tour de force in composition and technical skills (remember that Disquieting is all recorded live, with all the instruments of a rock or metal band!) that Avery executed perfectly. Empty Throne Amongst The Stars will always have a place in my heart, and Noctambulant is a fitting sequel to such an iconic project. For me, they are must listens for everyone interested in what Dungeon Synth can sound like in the 2020s.
In 2024 Avery has also started to bring this terrific project to another level by organising a Disquieting live show at an exhibition of his drawings and paintings. I haven't been able to catch the live stream, so I'll let Avery tell his side of the story in the interview section of the journal.
Besides releasing music as Disquieting, Avery also has a few other projects.
One of the first things that caught my eye of the Ephemera series is the Marcus Aurelius quote in the first release.
'Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.'
I love it that Avery is still looking at the stars, but with a different perspective than the one shown in Disquieting. The heart is undivided, and it sings a multifaceted song. This time, with only a few words and notes, Ephemerus still conjures astral landscapes that inspire wonderful journeys of self-reflection. Ephemera's fleetingness and lightness, at least compared to Disquieting, makes for a very beautiful contrast and complement between the two projects.
The third and final Avery's DS project is Decrepit Keep.
Here the tropes of old-school Dungeon Synth are in full force, and it's a pleasure to hear how an artist so unique and skilled interprets them. Being somewhat of a newcomer in Dungeon Synth (despite my old love for Summoning that dates back to the late 00s) it's always great when an artist I love helps me discovering more of the roots of the genre, and this definitely happened with Decrepit Keep.
Besides being a Dungeon Synth artist, Avery also plays in two metal bands: Giger and Trendkill.
Giger is a death/doom/sludge metal project that started in 2015, and already has a couple of releases and many live shows under its belt. I'm no expert in this particular mix of metal, but I thoroughly enjoyed Avery's vocal performance (it's really worth it to check it out in the video above), and found several intriguing passages in many of Giger's songs. Trendkill appears to be a very recent death/thrash project, with a minimal lineup and a demo that brings me back to when I was a teenager and started exploring timidly some extreme metal projects.
Avery's other projects present and past, both musical and related to visual arts, can be found through his official website.
In the making of this journal, I've gotten in touch with Avery to discuss some aspects of his music. Here are some snippets of our conversations.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: can you share the story of your music journey, focusing on Disquieting, Ephemera, and Decrepit Keep?
Avery: I'm first and foremost a bass player, and have played bass since I was 14 years old. I picked up guitar at 17, drums and keys at 19. I just turned 30 earlier this year. I'm mostly self-taught, though I have had a little formal training here and there along with help from friends over the years. I feel like naturally being a bass player adds a very specific rhythmic and "deep" quality to the music I make.
Disquieting did not start out as a Dungeon Synth project at all actually. I initially started Disquieting as an experimental dark ambient project (experimental partially in the sense that I did not know entirely what I was doing haha). I was getting into a lot of electronic music as a whole at the time: traditional ambient music like Brian Eno and Stars Of The Lid, traditional dark ambient like Lustmord and several Cryo Chamber releases, and staples of early electronic music like Zeit and Phaedra by Tangerine Dream. I wanted to mainly just see if I could do it all, and if I could, maybe put my own spin on it. I took the name from the painting "The Disquieting Muses" by Giorgio de Chirico. De Chirico was an Italian artist who was a precursor to the surrealists such as Salvador Dalí and René Magritte. His work as a whole, that painting in particular, had a very specific atmosphere that I still can't fully describe but still try to draw influence from in my own artwork and music.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: forgive me for interrupting. I love it that your music journey is so intertwined with your visual arts journey. By the way, I really love Magritte since the year 2000: back then, I had to spend a week at a hospital that was decorated with reproductions of his paintings, and I loved them. In 2001 I remember being at another hospital (sadly, without painting reproductions), right after my heart transplant, preparing some materials from my middle school final exam. My art project was about Magritte's "The Listening Room". Maybe one day I'll tell that story as well.
Avery: when I put out the debut EP and standalone single in 2017 and 2018 respectively, I felt very okay about them. I didn't dislike them, but didn't feel like it was my best work as an artist either. Giger was also starting to gain some momentum at the time, so I decided to put the project not necessarily on a definite hiatus, but more so just thought of it as "I'll get to it when I get to it." Which turned out to be awhile because I had to sell the keyboards I had at the time to make some extra money.
When the pandemic happened, I ended up with (as a lot of people did) more free time to check out new music. I have to be honest: when I first heard about what dungeon synth was, I initially dismissed it as black metal for people who couldn't play guitar (sacreligious I know). However, one night when semi-mindlessly browsing Reddit, I came across Kaptain Carbon's Dungeon Synth primer. It is so well written, and convinced me to give Dungeon Synth an actual fair chance, which was one of the best decisions I've ever made as an artist/musician. I don't remember which album I specifically listened to first, but I remember the firsts being Kauan Koskematon by Jaaportit, Enchantment Of The Ring by Secret Stairways, Taur-nu-Fuin by Thangorodrim, and Caravans To Empire Algol by Neptune Towers.
After listening to these, I did a massive deep dive into dungeon synth and wanted to get a keyboard again. Sure enough, almost as if by divine providence, the guitar shop where I worked a 2nd job at the time got in a Yamaha PSS-460 not long after. With my employee discount, I only paid (I think) $40 for it. I was instantly hooked to it, specifically the "Jazz Organ" preset. After playing around with it for a few weeks, I decided then would be the best time to try to bring Disquieting back, now with the dungeon synth influence. I still wanted to include live band instruments because I thought it would make it more interesting, but also because I was not very confident in my playing/writing abilities on the keys. Still, inspiration came quickly, and I wrote all of "The Ruins Of Conscience" in about a couple weeks, then recorded it over a few weeks after that. Looking back on it now, its rough around the edges and I notice the flaws/things I wish I did differently, but I am proud of it and I consider it one of the pivotal moments of my "professional" artistic career as a whole.
After joining a community and doing more research, I wanted to try out using some virtual synths. Specifically, I wanted to explore more possibilities of synth sounds, and the virtual synths seemed the most feasible option (especially considering there are so many free ones haha). I got several of the LABS virtual synths and the OB-Xd, as I liked those the most and didn't want to overload myself with even more when there was still so much of a learning curve. What I gravitated to the most with those virtual synths were the very ambient, atmospheric, droney sounds. The difference in sound and execution made me decide what I was creating was not Disquieting, so I wanted to lean more into that. Specifically wanted to draw more influence from more traditional ambient music, one of my biggest influences being Chihei Hatakeyama, who I consider to be Japan's Brian Eno. I also realized a long time ago that I want to make as much music as I am capable of in this lifetime, so it seemed natural to have another project (especially after learning so many Dungeon Synth artists have at least 3 other projects haha). I'm glad I started Ephemerus; in some ways it is easier to do than any of my other projects and allows me to explore different emotions through sound. The name obviously comes from the word Ephemera: I liked the idea of exploring the temporal and the temporary. I also just thought the word sounded cool haha.
Decrepit Keep is my attempt at more old-school DS. When I did it was somewhat "off-the-cuff" but continue to do more with it in the future when time allows and inspiration strikes. Here are some inspirations for this project, besides those mentioned above and Mortiis' Født til å Herske:
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: I understood that you record many Disquieting albums all with live instruments. Is this true also for the early releases and the Ephemera series?
Avery: all the Disquieting releases (even the pre-DS EP and single before TRoC) were recorded with live instruments. However, Ephemerus is my virtual synths project. I still perform the parts on one my synths, but use the MIDI out, so the output sounds come from virtual synths, mainly LABS and OB-Xd. It's a way for me to explore more ambient sounds and textures, so while Ephemerus could still be considered DS, I treat it more so as my ambient project. Finally, Decrepit Keep is a mix of live and virtual synths.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: the live recordings mindset surely must have helped in organising the first Disquieting concert.
Avery: for the longest time, I did not think I wanted to perform Disquieting live. I thought it was just going to be my outlet for creating my own music, in my own space, in my own time. However, as Disquieting got more popular (as conceited as it feels for me to say), I've had more and more people asking about performing live. When I started entertaining the idea, I wanted to put together a live band. I would still like to give that a shot eventually, but that would take a lot of time and planning to pull off "correctly." I started watching videos of live shows, and was intrigued by the simplicity and the intimacy of a dungeon synth live show. From there I thought "Okay, I'll try to go to a dungeon synth show, and if I don't hate it, then MAYBE I'll try to play live." Sure enough, I saw a post about this year's Texas Dungeon Siege. It was an expensive trip. but it was beyond worth it. It was one of the best shows I had ever been to, and was a lot of fun to meet several of my friends and fellow musicians from the community. You can actually see me in the audience of a few videos from TXDS haha.
From there I knew I wanted to give it a shot live. I always wanted to do a combined art and music show, so I decided that would be my gift to myself for my 30th birthday. It was great day to be surrounded by so many people that actually took interest in the weird stuff that I do (big shout-out to all who attended in person or were able to catch the live stream). I do want to play some more Disquieting live shows, but nothing else is set in stone as of yet.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: what about Giger and Trendkill?
Avery: Giger and Trendkill are currently what keep me the busiest outside of work. Both bands typically practice once a week, and both bands have plans for more shows and recording more music in the (hopefully) near future. Giger has been a band for almost 9 years, and has taught me a lot about being a musician and a songwriter. Specifically our lead guitarist Mac, who has been one of my best friends for over 15 years, is the greatest guitarist I know and always pushes for the best possible versions of ourselves and the band. Despite Disquieting, Ephemerus, and DK being separate from Giger, I still try to maintain that mentality from working with Mac. Our drummer Jason has been with the band since 2022, and our 2nd guitarist Terry joined the band earlier this year. Trendkill was formed by Tyler and Tristan, who were in the band when we recorded the Giger full-length "Submit To Reality." They left Giger during the pandemic primarily to focus on their personal lives, but after the pandemic wanted to get back into playing music. Tyler and Tristan have always preferred the faster, thrashier stuff, so they started Trendkill. Their original bassist left due to personal issues, so I was asked to fill in. I remembered how much I enjoyed playing with them so I just decided to do it full time. The members of both bands are some of my closest friends, and despite it being tough at times to balance all the different music I play, I wouldn't want to let any of it go.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: in telling your story, you mentioned a lot of musicians from a variety of genres. From your art, it's clear that you also like Genesis, and the list of your influences is surely even longer.
Do you want to share a few more words on your music influences?
Avery: I listen to almost all kinds of music, and a lot of my favorite music is music that is not strictly just "one" genre, such as funk rock, death doom, jazz fusion, etc. Disquieting is an outlet for me to explore multiple musical ideas. While I consider Disquieting to be primarily dungeon synth, I also actively incorporate elements of other genres such as doom metal, progressive rock, post-rock, and traditional ambient.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: it really shows from the music! Since we're back to talking about Disquieting, it's no secret that Empty Throne Amongst The Stars is one of my favourite releases ever. I know it's a painful subject, but if you wanted to share a bit more of your side of the story, I'd appreciate it so much. (Note for the readers: Avery decided to be very open about the story of Empty Throne, and I am humbled and grateful that he choose to tell this story to me and, in a sense, through me. I believe it takes a tremendous inner strength to allow oneself to be so vulnerable and open to others, and at the same time it's one of the most beautiful act we can do as human beings. Nothing about what follows must be taken for granted or treated lightly. Since the topic is very delicate, be mindful that Avery will speak of the death of a loved one, but also of deep grief and personal struggles).
Avery: I began writing the music for Empty Throne in the late summer of 2021. My Mom, Courtney Lane Parker Bradshaw, was still on Earth at the time. I told my Mom almost everything about what was going on in my life, Disquieting being no exception. Mom never quite "got" all the stuff I was into, but she was always supportive. She signed me up for a private Art class when I was in elementary school, and encouraged me to be in band for most of my time in middle and high school. As long as I handled my business, she maintained the mindset: "It's what Avery is into, I'm going to support and love my son no matter what."
My parents were my introduction to a lot of the music that holds a special place in my heart: my Dad introduced me to rock and metal, my Mom introduced me to bands/artists such as Phil Collins, The Eagles, Tears For Fears, and Earth Wind & Fire. I showed her Disquieting not long after I released "The Ruins Of Conscience." Specifically, I showed her the song "The Fountain Of Ephemerality." Mom seemed to like it; she said it made her think of scenes from movies where water was a prominent element, which I appreciated immensely.
After that, I continued to work on Empty Throne throughout the year; I wanted to take a lot more time to refine my sound and not rush anything. Throughout my life, my Mom had numerous health problems, including degenerative disc disease and surviving cancer. So when she started getting sick in November of 2021, not that I didn't take it seriously, but I chalked it up to "Mom's just not feeling good right now." To this day I would give up every earthly possession I have to go back and try to do things differently. Mom entered the Kingdom of Heaven December 10th, 2021, she was only 53 years young. It completely shattered out entire family. Obviously no one lives forever, and as aforementioned Mom had health problems, but no one thought she would be gone so soon.
When Mom passed, everything came to a screeching halt. I was no longer myself; a void had opened in my heart that will never be truly filled. Mom taught me more than can be put into words about what it means to be a good person and to care for others. I will always thank God she was my Mom and for everything she taught me. It was hard to keep going after she passed. I cried all the time and had no motivation to do things that made me happy. Full transparency, I had to tell my fiancee (now wife) and some of my friends to watch my drinking, because I was drinking a lot at the time. Thankfully I had the support of my wife, my friends, and my family (especially my Dad, my sister, my grandparents, and my aunt Carla), along with starting therapy.
I slowly started being a human being again around spring of 2022, which included picking up where I left off with ETATS. The songs for ETATS definitely took on a different sonic quality when I came back to them. Finishing those songs helped me to navigate loss, and explore ideas of place and purpose in the universe. At no point do I ever want to come off as preachy or forcefully try to convert anyone, but I am a Christian. I read the Bible more in this time and prayed for guidance and healing from The Lord. I would like to think God gave me the strength I needed to keep going, including continuing pursuing my art and music. This brings me to my own interpretation of ETATS: Many people see God as this giant old man in the sky sitting atop a throne who grants wishes. But God is so much bigger than that. God is in us all, and is the universe. We are one with the stars, with God. With the artwork and the album, I wanted to convey we and God are not confined to a throne room. The beautiful and sublime are what make the universe and the heavens beyond, and we are lucky to be one with it through loss and despair. The true hell is non-existence.
Going through Mom's stuff and grieving was the focal point of my life for several months, and one of my few respites was working on ETATS. Despite its weight, I know my Mom is proud of me and wants me to keep going. The best proof I can give is when I first started going through her stuff. Mom kept a mini fire safe that contained important documents, such as my sister and I's birth certificates. Mom told me if anything happened to her to make sure that was secured first. Despite more tears, what I saw in the safe put a smile on my face: Mom had put a copy of Giger's album "Submit To Reality" in the safe with all those important documents. I miss her every day, but I'm thankful for that and all the other reminders in my life that she loves me and is proud of me. It felt natural to dedicate the album to her; without her I and this music would literally would not be here. The photo in the physical copies of the album is the first photo of me ever taken: when my Mom was holding me right after I was born. I wanted to immortalize that moment further and make sure people who listen to Disquieting know Courtney Lane Parker Bradshaw is one of the reasons Disquieting exists in the first place. Since then I regularly visit her grave and talk to her about the things going on in my life, including Disquieting, Ephemerus, and DK. I had a picture of her with me on stage when I performed live, and plan to continue having her with me on stage whenever I perform live again.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ: the written word isn't the right medium for conveying this but, to me, the only way to receive such a open-hearted confidence is to sit in silence for a while and give space to what he shared.
Thank you for sharing this chapter of your life. Your story touches on so many threads that resonate with me: the love of your mom, that is of example to me as a parent (that also shows what a higher Love must be, if one believes such a thing exists: the love of your mother for her children); how your family supported you and didn't let such an earth-shattering event tear it apart... and also how chronic illness is a horror in its own league.
I'm so honored and grateful for the openness of our talks on so many topics. It was a real pleasure turning this journal into a space for dialogue; it was one of my dreams when I started this little project. Thank you again, and see you on our journeys Amongst the Stars!
Thank you for this write up and talking to me, it truly means a lot. I hope all who read this find solace and meaning in their journeys through the night.
ᚼᛁᛆᚱᛐᛆᚿᛋ, October-November 2024